Blogging

Wow, it's not that easy to blog everyday. Oh wait, I'm the problem here. I don't make time to blog because:

• I already have to write a lot on D2L for school
• My hands can't keep up with what I have to say.
• I expect to write everyday, maybe that's what I need to change first.

First, I will make it a goal of mine to write once a month. That is such a low goal, but it's realistic and I know I can reach it, and if I write more, kudos to me! I came across a few blogs by Hmong writers and that inspired me to check my own blog again. I asked myself what I should focus on. The answer is my daily life, college, plans (too many sometimes), work, some vent, and life goals.

It has been a month since I started my position as the ELL Assistant at DCESH. I love what I do, but I want to do more; I'm craay craay like that. My job is so perfect for me at the moment that it would take a lot for me to leave. Sometimes I feel like I don't do much, but I guess writing it will help me realize how much I am really doing and my contribution. First, I work very closely with one unique student. I hate DSM, but I believe he is bipolar. When he has a bad morning, he refuse to do any work. So my job is to help get rid of that attitude and get him working. It's the hardest when he refuse to communicate. What I picked up on to snap him out of that is to talk to him about non-school stuff. He can go on all day about everything but school.

OMG, EPIPHANY moment. I am going to rename this blog to 17Again, because I love Zac Efron and I feel like I'm getting a second chance at high school. OMG, working here has made me reflect on my attitude when I was a student. I always did my work, but they weren't always on time...because I didn't know how to do those. That lesson has taught me to ask questions in college to understand the work, so I would turn them on time. What I also noticed was the the amount of trips exactly 3 students make everyday to their locker, drink of water, and hallway trips. Like seriously? If I ever become a teacher, class time is my time, and kids can use the bathroom at another teacher's time.

Ok, I'm going to end this note with good news. I got an email for a part time position for a job that fits perfectly after school from 4-7. Yay, I get to be a workaholic again, so I basically work 7am-7pm. With the work I do, it will not be that hard. This second job is for extra income and experience for my ultimate career to make even more money. I've got the best of both worlds: education and finance. Alrighty, have a nice day!

-C

never enough

I did everything right. I went to school. I didn't and don't smoke. I always worked. Paid my bills. Paid my share. Carried my weight. Where's my reward? Where's the encouragement to keep it up? Is it wrong to do good? Do only the bad get rewarded?

Am I that bad? Other than everything being intentional now

I'm the good girlfriend. I don't go out. I don't need to cheat.

I do all this, but I'm still seen as evil, greedy, selfish. Am I not good enough? I don't know what to do anymore. I can't keep up this good attitude. You're only worth your money now. Not everyone needs your opinion, keep it to yourself.

One day at a time. One problem at a time. No one cares, so join the crowd. It's every man for himself now.

Gosh. Everything is just such a repeat. I hate everybody.

It's not that I don't know what to do. I just don't want to do the right thing. Because the right thing doesn't benefit me. Is that wrong? Why can't I get any benefits out of this? Why can't someone do the right thing toward me?

Day 2

OMG. I'm totally loving my new position. It's actually my dream...what dream though? I've been really stressed and irritated lately, it's blurring my vision. :( not surrounded by positive and responsible energy. But here's what's been on my mind:

• father & brothers: why are you guys so irresponsible? I don't need to keep up my role if you aren't keeping yours
• student loans, especially unsubsidized! do I pay now? Or just let the interest build up and trust that I'll work for the public in 10 years and it'll be forgiven?
• finding another job. I don't need it, but I'm stressing about it. lol
• cars cars cars. why do I have the default of walking to work and my sisters get the car for the same distance. why can't they walk?
• picking up phone calls not for me. THAT'S WHY I HAVE A CELLPHONE for a reason, so I'll be picking up calls that's actually for me!
• opening doors for people not visiting me. THEY'RE NOT MY FRIENDS FOR A REASON! AND I DIDN'T CALL THEM FOR A REASON!
• Lawton grant: omg, paperwork has been in for 2 weeks now. patience, CK
• Grad school: I need to decide on something at the end of this semester
• Last semester course work is actually a lot. But it must be done

I just feel like I've been in the middle of so many stupid moments. I'm the bad guy if I don't want to be the messenger, but I'm not. Why do I need to be the messenger? Especially when you don't want to do your half!

If this is the way things are, I don't wanna have kids. Not because I don't want them, but they don't deserve this kind of life. I don't know. I'll just bare it all.

...I just want too much. It's not even much. I really just want standard things. Like a dad who tidy or mow the lawn. A brother who takes out the garbage or shovel in the winter. A mother who cooks and cleans. And my job is to cook and clean too. Or just make lots of money to buy their labor :P. 

1 week notice

5 more minutes until this weekend shift is over!

I'm happy to announce that I got an offer for a bilangual assistant aide that'll pay me more. But that wasn't the most obvious factor. Working for the public means I can qualify for the the Public Service Loan Forgiveness Program.

http://studentaid.ed.gov/repay-loans/forgiveness-cancellation/charts/public-service

That means I can be worry-free! No money or wage can buy that.

\:(

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4BJzzNMv9Oo

I just want everything :( I don't want to do this again

Student Loans

Alright, 45 minutes before I sleep at 11pm to wake up at 7am for work.

I just calculated my estimated student loan. It came to $24,902 for 5 years of school, and that's without interest. I regret and I don't at the same time. That paid for my expenses over the years without a job. Again, I would redo this by staying in town with a job and end up with no loans. Nonetheless, the money went to good use. This paid for 2 international travel study that I would've never done if I had not gone to college, rent for 1 year, food for 5 years, sometimes it even lasted me til the summer and winter breaks, and at the end of this whole thing, a BACHELOR OF ARTS in Sociology degree. Yay.

I'm questioning if I want all those future breaks. I can work everyday. But again, I wanna get pay more, work closer, experiences toward my degree, what i'm good at, and a title.

the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step

It frustrates me that I am behind my "life" timeline. So many things were supposed to happen. Like:
-graduate at 22 (I'm 23 now, and will officially graduate after I turn 24)
-get some awesome job that pays me more than high school days
-not just any job, a coordinator job!
-not just any coordinator job, my dream job!

And because I am behind, my salary/$$ is behind, which then affects the dreams of my car, house, family, children. If I could do this again, I would. I would've just stayed in town and stuck to a job. Now I'm behind. I wasn't able to find one during college because of my schedule. But now that I'm back home and doing online classes for my final semester, it's so easy. I could've done this for the past 5 years.

And because I feel like I am behind, I don't want to start. I feel like it'll always be too late. I feel like I'll never get there. But what I've learned over time is that all you've got is time. It does me nothing to whine for the next 2 years that I'm 2 years behind. At this point of my life, I need to stay positive. I need to keep moving (I really just wanna whine though). Just had to write this down, so my mind can rest and I can finally sleep without this.

I've also realized how heartless I've become. I just want to work, work, work.

...Which brings me to think about people who do not work. They seriously have too much time to shop, invest in shit, and do hospital visits. I've been doing full time and it made me realized how much I want to work for schools because I would like my summers, winters, and holidays off! I like doing random things/jobs during my free time. It's like a break. I like it. But with this full time job at the CU, it scares me because I will be there forever until I chose to end it. I don't wanna quit to get more vacation time or have to "request" off for only 1 week of vacation. I love having 3 whole months off and doing part time. I can do other things that I really want to.

Super random: I've been doing house searches and my family should move out! We should just get a house in Wausau because we are always there! Both my mom & I work on the west side of Wausau. My dad is constantly running errands over there. There are more restaurant choices there. I hate taking the highway to work and WalMart. Our house is way too big. It was a cool idea, but I don't like it anymore. When I buy a house in the future, I'm not going to get one as big, with less and flat lawn to mow. Do we seriously need all that backyard space? My family never goes in our backyard, and also because it's a hill. It's not flat to sit/hang.

Work Work Work

It's my second Saturday working at the credit union! I love working on my own and not have people watch me. Since I'm at work, I'll blog about my past jobs. They're always fun to talk about.

Pick N Save: When I turned 16, I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life working. Actually, that mindset was when I was 12, but 16 was the age I could finally start. My mother has always worked soo hard to support our family of 12. I narrowed it down to PNS because I didn't want to work at a fast food restaurant. Plus, PNS paid just a little bit more for not as much labor. As a cashier/bagger, it wasn't that hard. I was young and it was just something to do and keep myself occupy. What I enjoyed most about that place was that it was 4 minutes from my house and weekly pay. I hated everything else: schedule, request time off, uniform, supervisors, and stupid warnings. I mean, why would you schedule all the Hmong workers on July 4th! We all go to Minnesota for the tournament. And not just that, they would deny anyone to take our hours. It was sooo intentional. The uniform was sooo disgusting. It was a heavy denim shirt that didn't fit well at all. I'm a size XS in most cases and this shirt was a size L to me. I looked so disgusting in it. Thank goodness I never took any photos with it on. The hours were horrible. Why do they schedule someone from 12-5. That's the whole day. I worked there for a year then I switched to Aqua Finance.

AFI: This was a really cool job. I think it helped me develop as a person. I never talked much because I never talked to begin with. As a dialer, the job required me to talk and this lead me to being a really good bleep when it comes to complaints, especially talking about policies and procedures. It helped me understand a lot about the other side of business; how things are done and why there are procedures, and how to follow it. What I liked about AFI was that I could do my homework, flexible hours, and pretty awesome supervisors. It was a really cool job and a new kind of responsibility. I would do it again.

Then I went off to college and held some pretty odd jobs! But they were interesting, which was what I was after. That's what I'm after in life; experimenting but never committing. And I feel like that has took an effect on my own personal life. I don't know what I want forever...and if I can stick to forever because I need variety...excitement...idk, adventure.

Hmong Association + Mt. Bay Bike Trail: This was the most awesome and cool summer ever! I worked, then soccer after, and watched movies on the weekend during my job at the bike trail. I wouldn't mind reliving this time of my life again! I spent so much time with my babies, they were a lot cuter and less naughty-er too. For some reason, I had enough money for all the adventures I had.

AFI again: Well, I couldn't find a place, so I resorted back to this.

UW-E + MSCR:

McNair

Marketstar: How cool is it to talk about computers???!! This was half my dream. TALK TALK TALK, and it was about something I knew (at least, I think I knew). And because I knew what I was talking about, it was soo easy to sell. Plus, it was the best pay ever. Again, no supervisors! Why can't that just be the life?!

And now I'm finally at Valley Communities. It feels like such a high school job but I gotta build a relationship of commitment somewhere. This should be a great start, decent pay + benefits. But I'm always telling myself that if I'm going to commit so many hours to some place, the pay has got to keep me there.

the beginning

...so I'll talk about the last purchase....es. Yes, plural. I mean, I am such a frugal spender to begin with, so I shouldn't feel so bad. But I do, and I will start now.

I spent $30 at Target on 3 maxi dresses. Yes, I am inlove with them...so it was a good deal and buy, but I'm only keeping $20 worth of it.

Then on Wednesday night, I spent $125 at Loft because I didn't want to pay the $9 flat fee, which is more than one of their shirts on sale. This was very necessary because I paid $30 for them at one time and with the clearance, they were $12 a piece! The good thing is, it was really $60 that I spent and I'm going to return the extra $55...which is going to end up costing me more gas than just paying $9 for what I really wanted. Oh wait, I can ship it back for a cheaper price. Yes, that'll solve all this fuss. Alright, so I only spent $90 on some clothes before I do major shopping cuts. Lets go over why I want to stop shopping.

1. I have enough of everything.
2. I wanna pay a car in cash with as much money as I can, so I won't have to take a loan. Or at least the loan will not be that much.
3. I hate doing laundry

Now's the fun stuff: why I want to save.
1. Buy a car
2. Buy a house (omg, I have so much to say about that)
3. Become a landlord. (Originally, this blog was going to be named "10yearplan" because I wanted to get that done in 10 years)