Day 2

OMG. I'm totally loving my new position. It's actually my dream...what dream though? I've been really stressed and irritated lately, it's blurring my vision. :( not surrounded by positive and responsible energy. But here's what's been on my mind:

• father & brothers: why are you guys so irresponsible? I don't need to keep up my role if you aren't keeping yours
• student loans, especially unsubsidized! do I pay now? Or just let the interest build up and trust that I'll work for the public in 10 years and it'll be forgiven?
• finding another job. I don't need it, but I'm stressing about it. lol
• cars cars cars. why do I have the default of walking to work and my sisters get the car for the same distance. why can't they walk?
• picking up phone calls not for me. THAT'S WHY I HAVE A CELLPHONE for a reason, so I'll be picking up calls that's actually for me!
• opening doors for people not visiting me. THEY'RE NOT MY FRIENDS FOR A REASON! AND I DIDN'T CALL THEM FOR A REASON!
• Lawton grant: omg, paperwork has been in for 2 weeks now. patience, CK
• Grad school: I need to decide on something at the end of this semester
• Last semester course work is actually a lot. But it must be done

I just feel like I've been in the middle of so many stupid moments. I'm the bad guy if I don't want to be the messenger, but I'm not. Why do I need to be the messenger? Especially when you don't want to do your half!

If this is the way things are, I don't wanna have kids. Not because I don't want them, but they don't deserve this kind of life. I don't know. I'll just bare it all.

...I just want too much. It's not even much. I really just want standard things. Like a dad who tidy or mow the lawn. A brother who takes out the garbage or shovel in the winter. A mother who cooks and cleans. And my job is to cook and clean too. Or just make lots of money to buy their labor :P.